daily teen epiphany

i wish i could do what you do but i can’t

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 00:55:59 +0800

i wish i could do what you do

but i can’t

time is the most useless anesthetic here’s to hoping the hurt will leave when these ghosts...

Sat, 02 Jun 2012 18:26:20 +0800

time is the most useless anesthetic

here’s to hoping the hurt will leave when these ghosts do

or at least, when i leave

14 weeks

1. i am fine 2. i am not freaking out 3. everything is gonna be...

Sun, 27 May 2012 08:37:11 +0800

1. i am fine
2. i am not freaking out
3. everything is gonna be okay

:’) couldn’t be happier

Sat, 26 May 2012 00:28:01 +0800

:’)

couldn’t be happier

quatsch: grow up and blow away

Fri, 25 May 2012 23:21:00 +0800

quatsch: grow up and blow away:

nataleeho:

From my darling Greg:

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

© Mary Oliver

“so I am going to New York. and how I have pined for this - never to the point of begging, I never beg - but somehow now that it is here I feel a sense of guilt for ever wanting to leave at all. “the big apple awaits” and still I am caught in this shabby feeling of a thought not yet sunk in, of a certain reluctance to accept that after all this talk, all these tears and hopes whispered but too far to believe in, I am going away.

there is much here that I will miss. my family, most of all. my one great sorrow and one great joy. it is rare to meet someone with an uncomplicated relationship with their family, and I am not such a person. everything about these unreasonable blood bonds, this unreasonable sacrifice, has compelled me to move forward, to seek independence. but it is also this ridiculous, inevitable love that makes my attempts so half-hearted. our love for our family is without reason, and yet it is what becomes us..and what is usually the strongest of all. and thus I am guilty for wanting to leave two people who have built their lives around me, around their children, for wanting to have my own life and identity. have they not given me their lives? should I not give them mine too, in return? I don’t know. perhaps I am selfish. this is a thought that pains me. never in my life would I ever aim to hurt, or scar. but this is what I seem to be doing…and also what seems to be necessary. I will have to leave one day - and even if I don’t, they will leave me, whether or not it is a choice. I have to become a person responsible for my own decisions, and to do that I must make sure that these decisions are truly mine. It is impossible here. I will have to seek it on my own.

and there lies the tragedy of parenthood - they put all they have into that which is not truly theirs, which they eventually have to give up to everything they have tried to protect it from. they have to give up the precious flesh they have treasured and held to the ravages of other people, time, life. to a world which does not care if they are hurt, but you do, and so much. so much so you would rather keep them from experience. but sometimes we hurt in the name of protection, and holding too tightly also leaves bruises, and skin so thin and fragile that everything scars. but I digress.

in a few months I will leave my home, my friends and my family for everything else the world has to offer. this is a promise to myself: I will make the most of it, and cherish the opportunity that I have been given, and the opportunities that will come my way. I will not forget, but I will move continuously forward, until some how, some way, the road leads me back again to this home that I have loved too deeply to let go. “

(from Nat, this was so apt)

***

there are no reasons to leave, except for myself.

but i do hope that one day, you will understand that it is in the leaving that would bring me closer to home

there is so much i have yet to see, so many experiences out there waiting for me to live

so let me live (and let me go)

the world is my oyster

countdown: 15 weeks

jktimys

Thu, 24 May 2012 22:15:00 +0800

jktimys

"I will remember the kisses our lips raw with love and how you gave me everything you had and how..."

Sun, 20 May 2012 01:00:24 +0800

“I will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.”

hiatus

Thu, 10 May 2012 07:53:51 +0800

on weekdays i am busy and on weekends, sad

i’ll see you when i see you
x

Photo

Tue, 08 May 2012 21:51:37 +0800

Photo

Mon, 07 May 2012 21:55:27 +0800

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Mon, 07 May 2012 21:55:23 +0800

Photo

Sun, 06 May 2012 22:59:58 +0800

Photo

Sun, 06 May 2012 22:32:14 +0800

now you’re just somebody that i used to know

Sat, 05 May 2012 23:33:00 +0800

now you’re just somebody that i used to know

Photo

Sat, 05 May 2012 16:55:21 +0800

last night this song played in the club (couldn’t believe...

Sat, 05 May 2012 16:54:34 +0800

last night this song played in the club

(couldn’t believe what i was feeling)

Photo

Sat, 05 May 2012 16:41:09 +0800

In the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold, And all this...

Sat, 05 May 2012 16:41:00 +0800

In the arms of the ocean, so sweet and so cold,

And all this devotion I never knew went on,

And the crashes are heaven for a sinner released,

But the arms of the ocean delivered me.

Never let me go, never let me go.

blue valentine

Sat, 05 May 2012 16:37:01 +0800

blue valentine

gonna do this for my hostel room in the uk ~~fairy lights~~

Sat, 05 May 2012 16:29:56 +0800

gonna do this for my hostel room in the uk

~*~*fairy lights*~*~